I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
