Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
