At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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