Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
did you just send me my own nude
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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