she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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