I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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