Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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