So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This girl is more easily done than said...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
