She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
