pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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