Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
