he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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