he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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