i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
