I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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