no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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