i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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