he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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