I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
