just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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