I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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