Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
