Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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