1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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