I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
