Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
