Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
