i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
