could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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