I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize