Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize