What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
