My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
