Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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