We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she told me i tasted like america
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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