so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
