ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
