I accidentally burped into my bong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
