wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
