My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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