Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
