My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
