Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
