i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize