My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
