I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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