I cockslap morals
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
