Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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