haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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