ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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