God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
