You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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