I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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