I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
