every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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