OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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