I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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