Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
