I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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