Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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