I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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