If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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